以對方的需求做溝通

當與人陷入爭論時，你多半關注在你自己的需要。你生氣了，所以你就用生氣回應對方。你感到挫折了，你就滿口喪氣話。這樣的情緒是合理的，但是是無效的對話。

與其針鋒相對的爭吵，不如問自己：

1. 對方是怎麼回事？然後再問自己另外一個問題：
2. 我能夠說什麼，或是我能夠幫助什麼？

將你的關注放在對方的需求，你可以避開自己無謂的情緒反應，並且找到能夠幫助對方的作法，或是讓對方感受到你的友善。

你也許不情願這樣做，但是如此是讓你比較能夠達到你的目的的有效溝通方式。

Communicate with each other's needs

When you get into an argument with someone, you are mostly concerned with your own needs. You are angry, so you respond with anger. When you feel frustrated, you are full of discouragement. Such emotions are reasonable, but ineffective dialogue.

Instead of a tit-for-tat argument, ask yourself:

1. What about the other party? Then ask yourself another question:
2. What can I say, or what can I help?

By focusing your attention on each other's needs, you can avoid your senseless emotional reactions and find ways to help the other or to make the other person feel friendly.

You may be reluctant to do so, but it's an effective way of communicating so that you can achieve your goals.