不要讓人感覺到被排斥了

如何設定社交圈，包含在辦公室里的人際關係，都是很棘手困難的。當有人感覺到他被排斥了，就很難期待他可以有高生產力、保持創新，或是有良好的協作關係。

作為領導主管，你必須建立起一個不會讓人感覺到被排斥的工作環境：

1. 建立信任基礎。盡可能低調組織層級作用。在開會時，宣佈歡迎任何觀點意見，會議中不分階級大小，大家可以坦誠溝通。如此，可以舒緩掉有人擔心會受到排斥的感覺，也能夠促進更好的協作關係。
2. 分享議題與資訊。發出會議通知，列出會議議程，并附上相關的參考資料，讓大家知道預備要討論內容，并可以預先做回饋意見。
3. 鼓勵直率的發言與關切。用公開而無價值判斷的語言來溝通，傾聽并尊重相關的討論會話。謝謝願意分享的人，并向他們確保不會因為他們的言論而遭遇負面的對待。

Don't make people feel excluded

How to set up a social circle, including the interpersonal relationship in the office, is very difficult. When someone feels excluded, it's hard to expect him to be productive, innovative, or collaborative.

As a leader, you must establish a working environment that does not make people feel excluded.

1. Building the foundation of trust. Keep organizational hierarchy as low as possible. At the meeting, it was announced that any views and opinions would be welcomed. We could communicate frankly in the meeting, regardless of class size. In this way, it can ease some people's fear of rejection and promote better collaboration.
2. Share topics and information. Send a notice of the meeting, list the agenda of the meeting, and attach relevant reference materials, so that you know what to discuss, and can give feedback in advance.
3. Encourage Frank speeches and concerns. Communicate in open and worthless language, listen to and respect relevant discussion sessions. Thank those who are willing to share and make sure they are not treated negatively because of their comments.

不要讓你的同事竊走了你的功績

在你花了很長的時間參與完成了一個項目，你希望能夠得到適當的被肯定。但是，如果你發現和你一起合作的同事聲稱這個成就都是他個人完成的，竊走了你的功績，這會令人非常挫折的。

以後，當有人竊取你的舞台時，請參考以下的作法來挽救：

1. 做誠懇，面對面的溝通。你可以舉出實例，說他曾經答應要一起通宵共同完成項目，你曾經如何參與工作，解決了來完成。很多時候，只要舉出實際的行為，就可以阻止對方再冒犯。
2. 去找你的老闆。如果上述的作法無法解決和你同事之間的糾葛，去找你的老闆。向你的老闆提出你曾經考慮過的其他解決方案，請你的老闆給予意見。這個時候，你的老闆會明白真相。
3. 避免再次發生。下一次，當你要和某人共事完成一個項目，在事前就清楚界定角色與責任。雙方同意將分享成果。

Don't let your colleagues steal your merits

After you have spent a long time participating in the completion of a project, you want to be appropriately recognized. However, it would be very frustrating to find a colleague who works with you claiming that he has accomplished it personally and stolen it from you.

Later, when someone steals your stage, please refer to the following ways to save it:

1. Make sincere and face-to-face communication. You can give an example of how he promised to work together all night to complete the project, how you participated in the work and solved it. In many cases, just mentioning the actual behavior can prevent the other party from offending again.
2. Find your boss. If that doesn't solve the problem with your colleagues, go to your boss. Ask your boss for advice on other solutions you have considered. At this point, your boss will understand the truth.
3. Avoid recurrence. Next time you work with someone to complete a project, clearly define roles and responsibilities beforehand. The two sides agreed to share the results.

當有人在辦公室哭泣時

在辦公室里，若有人在你面前哭泣，通常會令你尷尬、手足無措。但是，請了解眼淚是人性的正常反應，而非表示他的弱點。

如果有同事在你面前開始掉淚，請如此處理：

1. 認同掉淚的事實。不要忽略它。用這樣的時機來評估與分析發生了什麼事，而非批評指責這名哭泣者。
2.  遞給他紙巾。這樣做能夠讓他可以呼吸、喘口氣，並且重新整理思緒，調整情緒。這樣的動作也表現出你對他的關切，他或許會願意告訴你一些故事。
3. 認知有問題出現。有人哭泣，表示有些事情必須關注與處理了。這名同事是否工作超限負荷了，有太高的壓力，生病了，或是受到了挫折。這是發現問題，釐清事實，并採取行動的機會。

When someone is crying in the Office

In the office, if someone cries in front of you, it usually makes you embarrassed and frustrated. But please understand that tears are a normal human response, not a sign of weakness.

If a colleague starts to cry in front of you, please do so:

1. Identify with the facts of tears. Don't ignore it. Use this opportunity to assess and analyze what happened instead of criticizing the cryer.
2. Hand him the tissue. This allows him to breathe, catch his breath, reorganize his mind and adjust his mood. This action also shows your concern for him, and he may be willing to tell you some stories.
3. Cognitive problems arise. Someone cries, saying that something must be paid attention to and dealt with. Whether the colleague is overworked, under too much pressure, ill or frustrated. This is an opportunity to discover problems, clarify facts and take action.

做個坦率的人

沒有人喜歡和一名虛假的人一起工作。要讓別人信任你的真誠，他們必須知道你究竟是什麼樣的人。

以下兩點是可以讓你做真實的自己，並且可以因此贏得他人的信任：

1. 願意表達出自己的觀點。對於重要的工作問題，你有自己的立場，並且願意公開與他人談論你的觀點。要人們接受你的領導，他們必須知道你的主張，而非要猜測你的想法，讓他們陷入盲目困擾。
2. 你有清楚透明的立場。如果你玩弄組織內的政治，那麼你自己就會成為政治問題的焦點。要別人支持你的主張，你就必須清楚說出你在做什麼，為什麼你要這麼做，你預備如何進行。

Be a straightforward person

No one likes to work with a false person. To let others trust your sincerity, they have to know what kind of person you are.

Here are two things you can do to be yourself, and you can earn trust from others:

1. Willing to express their views. The problem, you have their own position, open and willing to talk to others about your point of view. People to accept your leadership, they must know what you stand for, rather than to guess your thoughts, let them fall into the blind troubled.
2. Do you have a clear position. If you play in politics, then you will become the focus of political problems. Others to support your claim, you must tell me what you are doing, why are you doing this, you are ready to.

別人給你幫助，一定要回覆

人們經常犯的一個重大錯誤，是在接到別人幫助時，沒有跟進回覆。無論是有人給你介紹一份工作或是介紹你一個客戶，你一定要回應，告訴他結果如何，發生了什麼事情。你是否得到了這份工作，或是是否已經與這個客戶聯絡上了沒有。

你必須回覆，即使結果是個壞消息。

這個朋友可能可以協助你解決問題，或是介紹給你另一份工作，或是另一個客戶。

你對他的幫助，給予回覆的果實，很可能是因此而獲得他未來給你更多的幫助。

If someone gives you help, you must reply

A major mistake people often make is not to follow up when they receive help from others. Whether someone introduces you to a job or a client, you must respond by telling him the results and what happened. Did you get the job or have you contacted the client?

You have to reply, even if the result is bad news.

This friend may be able to help you solve problems, or introduce you to another job or another client.

Your help to him and the fruits of your response are likely to be the result of more help from him in the future.

避免陷入人脈網的陷阱

並非所有的人脈網都是有益的。事實上，若管理不好，某些人脈網會妨礙你的發展。

以下三種在人脈網中的人物角色，你要特別小心：

1. 偏頗的領導者。你不要過度依賴于與你的形態過於雷同的人。他們只會強化你自己的偏頗。你應該試著與和你的背景不同，或與你的價值觀有些差異的人往來，如此可以擴展你的視野。
2. 只做表面上的交往。一個經營人脈網時經常犯的錯誤，是只與其他人做膚淺的表面來往，以及過度關注相互交往的人數規模。你應該關的是注交往的深度。
3. 成為變色龍。不要隨便改變你的興趣、價值觀、以及個性去迎合其他人。如果如此做，你最終將會發現人們會逐漸疏遠你，而非更接近你。你只要做你自己即可。

Avoid falling into the trap of networking

Not all networking is beneficial. In fact, if you are not well managed, some networks will hinder your development.

You need to be very careful about the following three types of personas in your network:

1. A biased leader. Don't depend too much on people who are too similar to you. They only reinforce your own biases. You should try to communicate with people who are different from your background or your values, so that you can broaden your horizons.
2. Do only superficial communication. A common mistake in networking is to deal only superficially with others and to pay too much attention to the size of people who interact with each other. What you should focus on is the depth of communication.
3. Become a chameleon. Don't change your interests, values, and personality to cater to others. If you do this, you will eventually find that people will gradually alienate you rather than come closer to you. You just need to be yourself.

小心你的慷慨付出

在辦公室里，能夠表現得比別人更優秀，并因而具有幫助別人的能力，很棒吧！無論你協助了同事準備一場重要的簡報而加班，或是你能夠協助他人完成一項重要的項目，你都不免期待他人能夠認同你的慷慨貢獻，而感激你，不是嗎？

但是，請你下次再有類似的無私行為前，再仔細思考一下，是否必須如此做？許多經驗告訴我們，無私的人通常會被負面看待。人們會不由的揣測你這麼慷慨奉獻的背後動機。他們或許會想：她這樣做能夠得到什麽好處？或是，他們會質疑你破壞了辦公室裡的潛規則：你這樣做，是否讓我們其他人看起來很無能，很難堪？！

這并不代表你以後就不應該再如此慷慨奉獻，但是你最好說清楚你這樣做想要得到什麽，儘管可能只是你會因為幫助別人而自己感到心情愉悅而已。

你的行為以及你的澄清說明，會對他人樹立起一個好榜樣。

Be careful of your generosity

In the office, it's great to be able to behave better than others and thus have the ability to help others. Whether you help your colleagues prepare an important briefing and work overtime, or you can help others complete an important project, you can't help but expect others to acknowledge your generous contribution and appreciate it, can't you?

But next time you have similar selflessness, think about it carefully. Is it necessary to do so? Many experiences tell us that selfless people are often viewed negatively. People can't help guessing the motivation behind your generous dedication. They may wonder: What benefits can she get from doing so? Or, they may question whether you have broken the underlying rules of the office: do you make others look incompetent and embarrassing?

That doesn't mean you shouldn't be so generous in the future, but you'd better make it clear what you want in doing so, even if it's just that you feel good about helping others.

Your actions and clarifications will set a good example for others.

你是否準備好接受導師教練了？

除非你自己下定決定做徹底的改變，沒有任何導師教練可以幫上你。在你預備投入你的信念、努力、時間（或許加上一筆束脩或顧問費），確保你自己做好的準備。

1. 決定你是要一名只是逗你快樂的人或是一名真正的教練。許多教練知道他可以像一名少棒隊的教練，只要不斷的喊：“打的好、好球！”就可以讓小朋友很快樂。但是，如此的讚美很少是有用的。一名負責的教練不會這樣用鼓掌來滿足他的客戶的虛榮心。所以，當你想要聘僱導師教練時，想清楚你自己要他如何滿足你的需要。
2. 注意批評指導不是人身攻擊。當老師提出評判指導意見時，你很容易有挫折感。但是沒有老師會刻意的貶損你。接受你的老師的所有意見，即使不是最有智慧的，也是為了你好。

Are you ready to accept the tutor's coach?

Unless you make up your mind to make radical changes, no mentor coach can help you. When you are ready to invest in your beliefs, efforts, and time (or maybe a bundle of fees or consultancy fees), make sure you are prepared for yourself.

1. Decide that you want a person who is just making you happy or a real coach. Many coaches know that he can be a coach of a few baseball teams, as long as he keeps shouting, "good play and good ball!" You can make your children happy. However, such a compliment is rarely useful. A responsible coach would not applaud his customers' vanity with such applause. So when you want to hire a mentor coach, be clear about how you want him to meet your needs.
2. Note that critical guidance is not a personal attack. When a teacher makes a judgement, you are prone to frustration. But no teacher will disparage you deliberately. Accept all your teachers' opinions, even if they are not the most intelligent ones.

工作遇挫，想哭時，怎麼辦？

多數的人都會有偶爾在工作上遇到挫折，例如，一個友好的同事被開除了，你的方案受到嚴厲批評，或是上司認為你的工作績效很不理想，等等狀況，都會讓你想要痛哭一場。

沒有人能夠免除掉這樣的負面工作情緒狀態。下一次，當你眼淚將奪眶而出時，試著這麼做：

1. 暫時離開辦公室。禮貌的離開辦公室，走到洗手間、咖啡廳或是室外，呼吸些新鮮空氣，或是打個電話給好友，讓自己就痛哭一場吧，宣洩出你的情緒。
2. 重新面對狀況、重新出發。當你可以冷靜下來時，讓自己以另外一種觀點來評估自己所面對的狀況。如果你確實認為被錯誤認知了，和你的上司或是同事私下見面，解釋清楚。控制好你的情緒，並且商量好下次如何才能做得更好。

What should I do when I want to cry when my work is frustrated? 

Most people will occasionally encounter setbacks at work, such as a friendly colleague fired, your plan severely criticized, or the boss think your work performance is not satisfactory, and so on, will make you want to cry. 

No one can get rid of such negative work moods. The next time you're about to burst into tears, try this: 

1. Get out of the office for a while. Leave the office politely, go to the bathroom, coffee shop, or outside, take a breath of fresh air, or call a friend, and let yourself cry and let out your emotions. 
2. Face a new situation, start afresh. When you can calm down, give yourself another perspective to assess the situation you are facing. If you truly believe that you have been wrongly perceived, meet privately with your boss or co-worker to explain. Keep your emotions under control and decide how to do better next time.

如何應對突來的負面批評？

批評言論通常不容易處理，尤其是在未預期的狀態下。

負面的批評可能會不休止，但是也很有價值。

當你下次遇到突來的負面批評而傻了眼的時候，深呼吸一下，嘗試以下幾個作法：

1. 將你的情緒先擱一邊。你可能會當下感覺受到傷害，並因而憤怒。先感受一下自己為什麼會感覺不愉快，其真實原因是什麼，然後將這些負面情緒先擱一邊，不使它影響了你的理智判斷與反應行動。
2. 要想想你回應後將會產生的後果。處理負面批評不是容易的，沒有多少人是真正嫺熟的。然而，不要因為你回應不好而忽略了它·，你還是要謹慎思考你對負面批評的響應，將會產生什麼樣的後果。
3. 以事實理性回應。你不需要在聽到負面批評時立即回應。你得考慮如果你以憤怒的情緒立即回應時，會造成什麼樣的情境。給自己保留一些緩衝的時間與空間，收集事實資訊，再理性地回應，看看彼此是否有轉圜的空間，有哪些彼此都得做出改變。

How to deal with negative reviews and controversies?

Everyone in the company has its own personality, some weak and some tough.

How do you respond when you receive negative comments in the company or when someone disputes your idea?

Dealing with comments or controversies may be more important than their content.

The following is my personal experience:

1. First think, then answer. It's too easy to take immediate defense when you hear negative comments from others. But are you responding to face or to the inside? Before you respond, think about the results you want. Are others' comments real? Is it reasonable with what you know in the past?
2. What is the decision to change? You don't need to hear anything. Finding a relatively easy way to initiate changes is much better than dealing with many things at the same time. As a leader, you should decide which is the most important part of the comments you receive.

Request support. Once you commit to accepting comments, make changes and ask your boss, colleagues or subordinates to give you support and advice. Ask them to remind you when you are habitually falling into the old ways.