在工作中練習自我同情

當工作緊張時，你很容易因為在辦公室或家裡讓事情溜走而自責。但這樣做會使壓力更大。相反，要自我同情：接受你正處於工作壓力的急迫時期，注意--不要壓抑或否認--你的情緒正處於你稱為“壓力”、“內疚”或“擔憂”的情緒中。

評估你的待辦事項清單，通過決定你每天需要做什麼和什麼可以等待。不要害怕尋求幫助，無論是和同事重新協商最後期限，還是讓家人在家幫忙。對自己的同情將幫助你增加你的注意力，以更大的輕鬆和平靜度過危機。

Practice self-compassion at work

When you're stressed out at work, it's easy to blame yourself for letting things slip away in the office or at home. But doing so would make it more stressful. Instead, be self-sympathetic: accept that you are under stress at work. Be careful not to suppress or deny that your emotions are in what you call "stress," "guilt," or "worry." 

Evaluate your to-do list and decide what you need to do and what you can wait for each day. Don't be afraid to ask for help, whether by renegotiating deadlines with colleagues or by asking your family to help at home. Compassion for yourself will help you to increase your focus and get through the crisis with greater ease and calmness.

別讓壓力把你變成混蛋

當你處於強烈的壓力下，偶爾發生情緒短路是正常的。但是，不要把你的壓力發洩在附近的人身上--不管是你的助手、家人還是屬下員工。讓他們承受你的挫折會使你的人際關係緊張，並阻礙你的復原力。

即使你的壓力超出了你的控制範圍--繁重的工作量，不斷變化的監管要求，市場的放緩—卻不是他們帶給你壓力的。下一次當你承受壓力，你想提高嗓門的時候，深呼吸，記住不要把你的沮喪指向那些不值得你去做的人。把你的同事和家人看作他們想要成為的盟友。當你處於強烈的壓力下，短暫的熔斷是正常的。但不要把壓力放在身邊的人身上，不管是你的助手、家人還是直接的報告。讓他們承受挫折的壓力會使你的人際關係緊張，阻礙你的韌性。即使你的壓力超出了你的控制範圍——緊張的工作量、不斷變化的監管要求、市場的低迷——但是這些壓力挫折不是他們帶給你的。

下一次你處於壓力之下，你想提高嗓門，深吸一口氣，記住不要把你的挫折感告訴那些不值得你去發洩脾氣的人。把你的同事和家庭成員看作他們試圖成為妳的支持者。

Don't let pressure turn you into a jerk 

When you're under intense stress, it's normal to have an occasional emotional short-circuit. But don't vent your stress on people around you-whether it's your assistant, your family, or your staff. Putting them through your frustrations can strain your relationships and hinder your resilience. 

Even if your stress is beyond your control-heavy workload, changing regulatory requirements, and a slowing market-it's not them that put pressure on you. The next time you're under stress and you want to raise your voice, take a deep breath and remember not to point your frustration at people who aren't worth it. Think of your colleagues and family as the allies they want to be. Short fuses are normal when you are under intense pressure. But don't put stress on the person around you, whether it's your assistant, family member or direct report.Putting them under the pressure of frustration can strain your relationships and hinder your resilience. Even if your stress is out of your control-stressful workloads, changing regulatory requirements, market downturns-these stress setbacks are not what they give you. 

The next time you're under stress, you want to raise your voice and take a deep breath. Remember not to tell people your frustration isn't worth venting. Think of your colleagues and family members as if they were trying to be your supporters.

如何要求加薪？（2）

- 八個訣竅讓妳的老闆付妳更多工資

妳已經太久沒有得到加薪了，而妳的老闆似乎沒有準備這樣做。即使妳知道妳是值得得到更高的薪水，但是就如多數人一般，妳會遲疑向老闆直接提出加薪的要求。妳有三個選擇。妳什麼都不做，然後妳的薪水一直停在原來的位置。妳可以另尋工作，獲得更高的薪水。或是，妳可以提出加薪要求。很明顯的，坐等老闆採取行動已經是不實際了。如此，另尋工作將成為妳很頭痛的麻煩。

妳還在等什麼？以下是幾個向老闆提出加薪的訣竅：

查明在妳的產業中其他人的薪資水平

在妳和老闆接觸前，妳需要做一些調查。妳要了解在妳的產業中的通常的薪資水平，如此妳可以了解妳的薪資是否確實低於正常標準。妳可以和在這個產業的朋友或是同事。但是，妳要警覺很多人不願意討論到有關金錢的事。

妳也可以從公開的媒體得到薪水的資訊。例如人力招聘網站就提供了許多職位招聘資訊，有些公司會公佈他們所招聘職位的起薪水平。如果妳參加了某個商業協會，也可以去了解一下。

了解妳可以得到多少薪水

記住，由於教育程度與工作資歷的不同，每家公司的核薪會與公佈的數字有相當的差距。

妳必須對妳的期望值有實際的認知。考慮妳的工作年資、教育水平，和妳獲得的職業技能證件，以及妳在現有公司的服務時間。妳甚至應該考慮到妳的工作地點。在大都市的薪水通常要高於在小城鎮的薪水。

評估妳的公司的財務健康狀況

對妳要提出加薪要求的時機，要很謹慎。避免在妳公司財務有問題，或是產業處於許多不確定的時候，提出加薪要求。雖然妳是公司員工，多少可以感受到公司的財務情況，但是不要憑藉妳的觀察，妳應該做一些實際的調查，例如查看公司的財務報表，以及相關的公司與產業新聞。

準備好妳的說辭

一旦妳確認時機合適，也收集好所有相關的資訊，妳就可以準備去見妳的老闆了。先準備好妳要求加薪的說辭。即使妳認為妳值得妳期望的數字，妳的老闆可能不如此認知。妳必須說服他。妳要有如妳去參加一個求職招聘一般地推銷自己。

首先，列出妳所有的成就。從妳最近的工作成就開始，再倒推到較早的。描述這些成就對公司的貢獻利益。要很精確。例如，不要只說妳提高了公司的利潤，清楚的告訴老闆確實的數字，以及當時公司面臨的挑戰，以及妳所承擔的關鍵角色。接著，用這些成功案例，介紹妳的關鍵工作技能促成了這些成功。

最後，告訴老闆，妳將預備如何運用妳的工作技能以及妳掌握的資源來發展未來在公司的工作計劃。記住，要清楚描述。

決定好妳將如何做，如果妳被拒絕或是不能得到妳期望的薪水

在妳走進老闆辦公室提出加薪要求前，妳就要想好，一旦他拒絕了，或是願意給妳的數字低過妳的期望，妳會決定辭職，還是等一段時間再來提出加薪要求？妳的將依老闆的答復來決定。例如，他的拒絕是因為他不認可妳的工作績效，還是有其他的狀況？

與老闆約定時間

現在，妳都準備好了，是時候和老闆談了。這不是你可以在走廊差身而過時候說的事。這是嚴肅的題目。

妳必須將這事看待為要去拜訪客戶，或是去參加招聘面談一般地慎重。和老闆約定好時間來討論妳的加薪要求。不要用email或是在電話中提出加薪要求。妳唯一可以這樣做的理由，是妳和老闆不在同一個城市工作。

和老闆洽談

妳的老闆可能會同意立即給妳加薪。這不是很棒嗎？妳什麼都沒做，她就給妳加薪了。這可能會讓妳質疑他為何不在妳提出加薪要求之前，就先給妳加薪？妳會因而生悶氣。

保持冷靜。關注在事實上。動情緒對妳沒有好處，甚至會傷害妳的談判。

不要以妳的生活費用開銷作為妳要求加薪的理由。這不是妳的老闆的問題。在老闆的眼中，妳的薪水已經包含一切支持妳生活所需。妳的生活需要，和公司是沒有關係的。

回應老闆的拒絕加薪

妳的老闆可能會拒絕妳的加薪要求。妳怎麼辦? 這完全取決于他回復給妳的拒絕理由。如果他拒絕的理由是他不認同妳的工作表現，那麼妳要判斷這是不是事實？同意立即給妳加薪。這不是很棒嗎？妳什麼都沒做，她就給妳加薪了。這可能會讓妳質疑他為何不在妳提出加薪要求之前，就先給妳加薪？妳會因而生悶氣。如果這是事實，妳是否有機會扭轉？如果妳認為這不是事實，他對妳的批評只是藉口。在這個情況下，妳可能會想要另尋可以讓妳感激的去處。

嘗試去了解是否有機會改變狀況？如果妳知道有這樣的機會，請求老闆給妳一些時間來重新評估妳的加薪要求。例如，妳希望在下次績效評估時，可以有機會聽取老闆給妳如何改善工作的建議或計劃，以便妳有機會可以再討論妳的加薪要求。

How to ask for a raise? (2)

- Eight tips to get your boss to pay you more

It's been too long since you got a raise, and your boss doesn't seem ready to do so. Even if you know you deserve a higher salary, like most people, you will hesitate to ask your boss for a raise directly. You have three choices. You don't do anything, and then your salary stays where it was. You can look for another job and get a higher salary. Or, you can ask for a raise. Obviously, it's no longer practical to wait for the boss to take action. In this way, finding another job will be a headache for you.

What are you waiting for? Here are some tips for raising your salary to your boss:

Identify other people's salary levels in your industry

Before you get in touch with your boss, you need to do some research. You need to know the usual salary level in your industry so that you can see if your salary is really below normal. You can work with friends or colleagues in this industry. But be aware that many people don't want to talk about money.

You can also get salary information from the public media. For example, human recruitment websites provide a lot of job recruitment information, and some companies will publish the starting salary of the positions they recruit. If you are a member of a business association, you can also learn about it.

Know how much salary you can get

Keep in mind that due to differences in education and job qualifications, there is a considerable gap between each company's salary Union and the published figures.

You must have a realistic understanding of your expectations. Consider your seniority, level of education, and the certificates of your professional skills, as well as your time in your existing company. You should even consider where you work. Salaries in big cities are usually higher than those in small towns.

Assess your company's financial health

Be careful when you ask for a raise. Avoid asking for a raise when your company has financial problems or the industry is in a lot of uncertainty. Although you are a company employee, you can feel the company's financial situation more or less, but don't rely on your observation, you should do some practical research, such as looking at the company's financial statements, and related company and industry news.

Prepare your speech

Once you have identified the right time and gathered all the relevant information, you are ready to meet your boss. Prepare your request for a raise first. Even if you think you deserve the numbers you expect, your boss may not recognize them as such. You have to convince him. You need to sell yourself as you go to a job search.

First, list all your achievements. Start with your recent work accomplishments and then move back to earlier ones. Describe the contribution of these achievements to the company. Be precise. For example, don't just say that you have increased the company's profits, tell your boss the exact number, the challenges facing the company at that time, and the key roles you played. Next, use these success stories to introduce your key job skills that contribute to these successes.

Finally, tell your boss how you will use your skills and resources to develop your future work plans in the company. Remember, describe clearly.

Decide what you will do if you are rejected or fail to get the salary you expect.

Before you go into your boss's office and ask for a raise, you have to be careful. Once he refuses or is willing to give you a lower number than you expect, will you decide to quit or wait a while to ask for a raise? Your decision will be based on your boss's reply. For example, did he refuse because he didn't approve of your performance, or was there any other situation?

Make an appointment with your boss

Now that you're ready, it's time to talk to your boss. That's not what you can say when you walk down the hallway. This is a serious topic.

You have to take this as a matter of general prudence to visit clients or to attend job interviews. Make an appointment with your boss to discuss your salary increase request. Don't email or ask for a raise on the phone. The only reason you can do this is that you and your boss don't work in the same city.

Talk with the boss

Your boss may agree to give you an immediate raise. Isn't that great? She'll give you a raise if you don't do anything. This may lead you to wonder why he didn't give you a raise before you asked for it. You get sulky.

Keep calm. Focus on the facts. Emotions are not good for you, and can even hurt your negotiations.

Don't use your living expenses as a reason for asking for a raise. It's not your boss's problem. In the eyes of your boss, your salary already includes everything you need to support your life. Your life needs have nothing to do with the company.

Respond to the boss's refusal to raise salary

Your boss may refuse your request for a raise. What do you do? It depends entirely on the reason he responded to your refusal. If the reason for his refusal is that he doesn't agree with your performance, do you want to judge whether it's true or not? Agree to give you an immediate raise. Isn't that great? She'll give you a raise if you don't do anything. This may lead you to wonder why he didn't give you a raise before you asked for it. You get sulky. If that's true, do you have a chance to reverse it? If you don't think it's true, his criticism of you is just an excuse. In this case, you may want to find another place to be grateful.

Try to find out if there is a chance to change the situation? If you know of this opportunity, ask your boss to give you some time to reassess your salary request. For example, you would like to have an opportunity to listen to your boss's suggestions or plans on how to improve your job in the next performance appraisal so that you can discuss your salary increase request again.

把你的大腦集中在其他事情上，從而停止工作

大多數人都知道，要想在辦公室裡保持高效，就需要從辦公室裡恢復活力。最困難的，就是做好這件事。

即使你在一個恰當的時間回家，你也會發現自己還在查看電子郵件或閱讀最後一份報告。這使你很難確實休息好。

要忘記在工作中發生的事情，可以把注意力集中在你將要做的事情上。用正確的方式制定作息可能會有幫助：一個消極的目標(“我不會在晚餐時查看電子郵件”)可能比一個積極的目標更難堅持。

例如，你可以設定要17:30在辦公室附近的健身房做個人健身訓練。或者這周你每天晚上都去學校接孩子。或者週末你可以去慈善機構做志願工作者。

如果你的思想在這些活動中仍然在工作，那麼就有一個計畫讓它回到你應該去做的事情中去。

Focus your brain on other things and stop working

Most people know that in order to stay productive in the office, you need to rejuvenate from the office. The most difficult thing is to do it well. 

Even if you go home at the right time, you'll find yourself still checking email or reading the last report. It makes it hard for you to get a good rest. 

To forget what happens at work, focus on what you're going to do.Setting your schedule in the right way can help: a negative goal ("I won't check email at dinner") can be harder to stick to than a positive one. 

For example, you can set 17:30 for personal exercise at the gym near your office. Or you pick up kids at school every night this week. Or you can volunteer at a charity on weekends. 

If your mind is still working in these activities, there is a plan to get it back to what you should be doing.

教導不喜歡你的人

領導主管們通常傾向于教導“自己人”。這是源於人性：即使我們認知差異化可以增進創意與解決問題、以及制定決策的能力，但是人們通常比較願意支持與投資最喜歡自己的屬下員工。

身為導師，自然會有要維護尊嚴的心理。但是，這不會對事情有幫助。我們必須同樣對不那麼喜歡我們的人，給與承諾，引導他們成長發展，而非只是指導和我們自己趣味相投的人。

我們有可能過度忽略了我們團隊需要的發展需求，我們會忽視掉團隊中的弱勢者。 然而，如果你是一名軍官，你對你所領導的部隊成員無所選擇，無論他們是否喜歡你，你都必須確保部隊里的每個成員都是訓練精良的戰士，你必須挖掘出每個戰士的潛能。

然而，如果你不能夠讓他們知道你在關切他，他可能就不會舉手，說出他們面臨的問題，或是分享他們的意見。作為領導者，你有必要避免你們之間的隔閡。

在團隊中，有些人可能會因為宗教信仰、政治主張，或是其他原因，受到歧視。要人們覺得你沒有歧視，你可以先安排他參與多宗教、多政治意向的人的組織活動，如此，他不僅可以感受如何調適自己，也可以認知你是如何看待各不同價值來源的人。也就是說，你以無歧視的態度，願意給他參與領導其他人的機會，就如你給他和他的同儕一般的領導。他有機會證明他的信心和能力。他有機會貢獻與塑造團隊文化。

首先，他必須快速地認知其他的領導者如何看待他，他對領導的假設是如何的？並且他必須接受上級領導對他的績效的評估。

他將面臨自己在無意識中散發的對別人的偏見，以及認知到自己的信心正在成長中。換句話說，他已經和過去不同了，他處於動態的變化中。他有必要調適自己。

他的上級領導要注意到他的領導動機與目的，以及他正面臨著哪些困惑？

其中一個重點，是給他更高的挑戰。這包含了提示他如何調適自己來接受有效的項目管理，如何領導跨部門的協作，如何取得跨部門領導的支持？

最重要的，是要讓他感受到領導工作是有意義的，是符合他的興趣與價值觀。你對他的指導，是符合他的利益，而非只是你的利益。

你必須挖掘出他的天賦、志向、目標，並且協助他能夠設計出學習成長的步驟。

這也就是說，你的導師工作，是以學員的需求與成長為導向，而非以符合你自己的性格、興趣為導向，你不能只局限在要建立一個支持你的“幫派”。

Teach people who don't like you

Leaders tend to teach their own people. This is due to human nature: even though our cognitive differentiation can enhance creativity and problem solving, as well as decision-making ability, people are usually more willing to support and invest in their employees who like them best.

As a mentor, there will naturally be a mentality to maintain dignity. But that won't help. We must also give commitment to people who don't like us and lead them to grow and develop, not just people who know our own interests.

We may overlook the development needs of our team. We may overlook the disadvantaged in our team. However, if you are an officer, you have no choice about the members of the forces you lead. Whether they like you or not, you must make sure that every member of the forces is a well-trained fighter, and you must tap the potential of every fighter.

However, if you can't let them know that you care about him, he probably won't raise his hand, talk about the problems they face, or share their opinions. As a leader, you need to avoid the gap between you.

In teams, some people may be discriminated against for religious beliefs, political opinions, or other reasons. To make people feel that you are not discriminated against, you can first arrange for him to participate in the multi-religious, multi-political people's organizational activities, so that he can not only feel how to adjust himself, but also recognize how you view people from different sources of value. That is to say, you are willing to give him the opportunity to lead others in a non-discriminatory manner, just as you give him and his peers the same leadership. He has a chance to prove his confidence and ability. He has the opportunity to contribute and shape team culture.

First, he must quickly understand how other leaders view him and what his assumptions about leadership are. And he must accept the evaluation of his performance by his superiors.

He will be confronted with his unconscious prejudice against others and the growing awareness of his confidence. In other words, he is different from the past, he is in dynamic change. It is necessary for him to adjust himself.

His superior leaders should pay attention to his motivation and purpose of leadership, and what confusion he is facing?

One of the key points is to give him a higher challenge. This includes prompting him how to adjust himself to accept effective project management, how to lead cross-departmental collaboration, and how to obtain support from cross-departmental leaders.

The most important thing is to make him feel that leadership is meaningful and in line with his interests and values. Your guidance to him is in his interest, not just yours.

You must tap into his talents, ambitions, goals and help him design the steps of learning and growth.

That is to say, your mentor's work is guided by the needs and growth of students, not by your own personality and interests. You can't confine yourself to building a "gang" to support you.

與來自不同文化的同事找到共同點

當你在一個全球團隊工作時，很容易把注意力集中在你和你的同事不同的管道上。但是，與其想著是什麼讓你與眾不同，不如強調一下你的共同點。這會使你更接近你的同事，使你更容易接受——更不用說受到文化差異的挫折。

例如，一個新加坡員工可能會通過承認兩種文化都是注重工作效率的，傾向於分析過程來改善他們的工作方式來與香港同事建立聯系。而中國員工可能會發現他們的台灣同事都是比較注重創新的。

當你遇到奇怪的規則和規範時，想想你的文化中的類似規範。你會對同事感到更溫暖，這將提高合作和團隊合作。

Find common ground with colleagues from different cultures

When you work in a global team, it's easy to focus on the different channels you have with your colleagues. But instead of thinking about what makes you different, it's better to emphasize your common point. This will make you closer to your colleagues and make you more acceptable - not to mention the frustration of cultural differences.

For example, a Singaporean employee may have ties with his colleagues in Hong Kong by recognizing that two cultures are highly efficient and tend to improve their working style by analyzing process. And Chinese employees may find that their Taiwan colleagues are more innovative.

When you meet strange rules and norms, think of a similar norm in your culture. You will feel warmer to your colleagues, which will improve cooperation and teamwork.

如何與壞的聽眾溝通？

和不聽話的人一起工作是令人沮喪的。無論你的同事打斷你，閒聊，還是看起來心煩意亂，影響都是一樣的：你覺得被忽視了，誤解的幾率也增加了。但是你可以通過強調你的資訊的重要性來鼓勵你的同事更好地傾聽。

在開始談話之前，先說：“我必須和你談談重要的事情，我需要你的注意。”這向你的同事發出了一個信號，他們需要注意聽。

儘管你可能會感到沮喪，也可能需要用多種方式提出你的觀點。對你正在所做的事情要透明闡述。你可以這樣說：“我想重複這一點，因為我想確保它被理解。”然後接著說：“這樣做有意義嗎？這樣你就知道你的資訊被聽到了。

How to communicate with a bad audience?

It's frustrating to work with a disobedient person. Whether your colleagues interrupt, chat, or look absent-minded, the impact is the same: you feel that you are ignored and the chances of misunderstandings have increased. But you can encourage your colleagues to listen better by emphasizing the importance of your information.

Before starting a conversation, say, "I have to talk to you about the important things, and I need your attention." This sends a signal to your colleagues that they need to pay attention to it.

Although you may feel depressed, you may also need to make your point of view in a variety of ways. Be clear about what you are doing. You can say, "I want to repeat this, because I want to make sure it is understood." Then he said, "does it make sense to do this? So you know that your information is heard.

以考慮最壞的解決方案來解決問題

如果你需要想出一個新主意，不要再去想最好的主意了。相反，想像一下最壞的想法：什麼是解決這個問題的錯誤方法？我們的客戶絕對不想要什麼？我們怎麼能讓我們所有的利益相關者生氣呢？

試著想出一些能讓你（甚至可能被炒魷魚）的想法，然後從那裡開始尋找解決問題的新方法。後從那裡向後努力，尋找解決問題的新方法。這個過程，稱為“錯誤思維”或“逆向思維”，並不總是容易做到的。

你可以試著像初學者一樣看待這個問題。一個對背景一無所知的人會怎麼想？當你允許自己有不好的想法時，你經常會想出最好的點子。

Solve the problem by considering the worst solutions

If you need to come up with a new idea, don't think about the best idea anymore. Instead, imagine the worst of the idea: What is the wrong way to solve this problem? What do our clients really don't want? How can we get all of our stakeholders angry?

Try to think of some ideas that can let you (maybe even be fired) and start looking for new ways to solve the problem. Then go back from there, looking for new ways to solve the problem. This process, called "wrong thinking" or "reverse thinking," is not always easy to do.

You can try to look at the problem like a beginner. What do you think of a person who knows nothing about the background? When you allow yourself to have bad ideas, you often come up with the best ideas.