你應該自戀自大還是自憐自怨？

對於這個問題，或許多數在我們這個東方社會，尤其是長期接受儒家思想的中國人，會說還是中庸一些、保守一些比較好。

然而，我們的生活經驗告訴我們，那些習慣自戀自大者，通常是成功的人。他們表現得愛現、貪婪、狂妄、奸巧、對人指手役使，例如華爾街里的金融抄手，或是政客之類的人。我們認為，是這些人巧奪了財富與權力，讓世界產生了更多的貧窮，更多的對立。

然而，我們多半會不由自主的崇拜這樣的人。

相對的，面對一個自憐自怨的人，我們通常的第一印象就是這是個失敗的人。不是嗎？

答案很明顯了，看來我們似乎更願意接受一個自戀者。

然而，我們面對這樣的人，也感受到很大的壓力，總會覺得自己難以應付他們，也感到很難改變自己的個性來成為一名能夠自戀自大，走向所謂的成功的道路。

如何做？

首先，讓我們先分析爲什麽我們傾向於接受自戀自大的人：

第一、自戀者通常是能夠讓人印象深刻者。自戀者通常很在乎自我形象，也有清楚的目標。他們比較能夠說一套動人的故事，也穿著得體，給人留下較佳的印象，也就是說自戀者通常比較具有魅力。

第二、自戀者通常在乎個人，而不太在乎做些旁門左道的行為。他們積極進取，爭取榮耀光環。當事情變糟時，他們之中許多人會習慣將過錯推諉給他人。他們認為自己是天之驕子，很少有罪惡感。這種心態讓他們更敏銳，能夠更快抓住轉機，作出決斷，得以趨吉避凶。當我們其他凡夫俗子察覺時，他早已先馳得點，或是先逃之夭夭了。奇妙的是，若是我們能夠讓這樣的人感覺可以為之所用時，他也會分享給我們一些利益，除非我們會威脅到他的地位。

第三、自戀者通常符合我們對領導者的印象。由於他們的自大、自我吹噓、抓住議題、對人敏銳的慣性，讓他們更能夠知道如何滿足他人的需求，并在他們發展階段中以我們能夠接受的行為來讓我們接受，例如表現得有義氣、誠實，有信用，等等。然而，一旦他們爬上金字塔頂端，他們很容易一夕之間就變臉了，變成會出賣朋友、不誠實、不講信用的人。原因無他，他要自保地位，必須耍權術。然而，我們此刻多半已經無力扳回了。

因此，怎麼辦？

最佳對待自戀者的方式是，聽其言而觀其行，延緩對他的肯定與支持。你只要保住自己仍然對他是有吸引力的，在他尚未取得權勢基礎之前，他還是會與你友好交往的。

至於我們自己呢？聰明的人會知道如何分辨他人的取向，並且調整自己。但是，無為而治，絕對不是可取之道。

Should you be narcissistic or self-pitying?

Maybe most of the Chinese people in our Oriental society, especially those who have long accepted Confucianism, will say that it is better to be moderate and conservative.

However, our life experience tells us that those who are used to narcissism and arrogance are usually successful people. They behave as cash-loving, greedy, arrogant, cunning and manipulative, such as Wall Street financial copycats or politicians. We believe that these people have skillfully seized wealth and power, resulting in more poverty and more antagonism in the world.

However, most of us can't help admiring such people.

In contrast, when faced with a self-pitying and self-complaining person, our first impression is that he is a failure. Isn't it?

The answer is obvious. It seems that we are more willing to accept a narcissist.

However, when we face such people, we also feel great pressure. We always find it difficult to cope with them. We also find it difficult to change our personality to become narcissistic and arrogant and to go on the so-called road to success.

How to do it?

First, let's analyze why we tend to accept narcissists:

1. Narcissists are usually impressive. Narcissists usually care about self-image and have clear goals. They are more able to tell a moving story and dress appropriately, leaving a better impression, that is to say, narcissists are usually more attractive.
2. Narcissists usually care about individuals, rather than doing other things. They are aggressive and strive for glory. When things get worse, many of them are accustomed to blaming others for their mistakes. They think they are the pride of heaven and seldom feel guilty. This mentality enables them to be more sensitive, to seize the turning point faster, to make decisions, and to seek good luck and avoid bad luck. When the rest of us are aware of it, he has already made a little progress or escaped. It's amazing that if we can make such a person feel that he can use it, he will also share some benefits with us unless we threaten his position.
3. Narcissists usually correspond to our impressions of leaders. Because of their arrogance, self-boasting, problem-solving and sensitive inertia, they are better able to know how to meet other people's needs, and in their development stage to let us accept the behavior we can accept, such as showing good will, honesty, credibility, and so on. However, once they climb to the top of the pyramid, they can easily change their face overnight and become friends, dishonest and dishonest. For no other reason, if he wants to protect his position, he must play tricks. However, most of us are now unable to pull back.

So what?

The best way to treat narcissists is to listen to what they say and see what they do, and delay their affirmation and support. You just have to keep yourself attractive to him, and he'll be friendly with you until he's got the power base.

What about ourselves? Smart people know how to distinguish other people's orientations and adjust themselves. However, it is absolutely not advisable to govern by doing nothing.